heavy heart 2.

faster, faster the beating gets faster.
what do i do now?
i'm not sure how just to react,
my heavy heart beats faster around you,
this reaction never seems to lack.

pretending its all ok but inside we know the truth. 
keep beating heavy heart, this heavy heart it beats for you.

would it make it all so easy if we just keep on in these vicious turns?
they seem yet so familiar as they start to become such a hateful blur.

the sun will rise and set
the leaves will change for fall
the snow will start to melt
yet we shall miss it all.


plant those hopeful buds deep beneath the soil,
not sure if it will even sprout to a pretty flower but keep it well in case.
this routine seems familiar but it brings a smile to my face.
for my heavy heart resembles this small bud in oh so many hopeful ways.


heavy heart i hear you screaming out his name
but even not together we cannot change what happened on that oh so fateful day.

home.

that warm breeze
the sticky humidity
oak trees blowing in the wind
these are the things about summer at home that i somehow seem to miss.

walking down monroe avenue seeing those all too familiar faces
stumbling about blowing smoke out from their lips,
it seems as if nothing has changed yet this is what makes it all so
comfortable to me.

my girlfriends faces smiling at me
giving me that sense of almost zen,
for they know me more than most,
we will for sure let the fun begin.

i'll never know if i'll return for good
or where my soul truly belongs but i will always know one thing,
ROC CITY is my HOME.

heavy heart.

heavy heart i feel you beating through my chest,
i cannot give into your harsh beating for my feelings will just progress.
i wish it never came to this unlikely bitter ending
and i hope you stay afloat, but if you dont i understand for there isnt too much hope.

there were words i wish werent said and there are actions that should have stayed within
but heavy heart i feel you, why cant you just give in?

one day we will wish this never happened and stayed the way things were
i cannot say when this will happen but at least for now we will yern.

yern for those sweet words and all those happy times which now are just faint memories and in our mind just turned to lies. oh heavy heart i feel you but im gonna be just fine.

ill keep it moving forward and see what i can find but in the darkness of my memory and my heavy heart its you i will find.

the demon i dont fear.

My eyes so heavy and tired,
I try my best to keep them awake.
It seems as if it becomes more of a struggle as I go on from day to day.

It must be something inside me for I sleep well every night,
What are you black cloud demon?
I wont go down without a fight.

You suck up all my energy and even when I try to bring it back,
my lids they shut so slowly and my visions fade to black.

For one day soon I may not wake up from this ever wanting sleep,
not because I didn't want to,
'cause the demon got the best of me.


I wonder who would miss me,
and who would shead a tear.
but, I am not afraid to die,
no this is NOT a fear.

vegas.

bright lights "BOOM" they suck you in,
slot machines "BING" we all hope to win,
stilettos short skirts let the night begin.
Music bumpin' as the club crowds start to pour in.
"pop" goes the the Dom bottle those sweet bubbles I sip slow,
get ready Vegas cause here comes the show.

Go-Go dancers, strippers we know their steps all too well,
they don't call this sin-city for nothin
"bing-bing" the valet bell.

On to the next spot "hop-hop" lets go cause Vegas don't stop for nothin' and neither do we this you know. 

Sunglasses, lip gloss, take off the heels 
cause when after hours begin your gonna need some new ragin' wheels.

Step outside 'ah' the sun has arose and that how you know you've done it...the Las Vegas "shit show".

hidden smile.

sitting in my place of comfort,
pen in hand and fresh white paper gazing in my eyes inviting me in to write,
I can only imagine what stories will come to life as the black scratches begin to fill in the lines.

Boys, heartache, and passion seem to be what comes to mind. 
There's something else behind it all, we cannot be so blind. 
Although it might sound painful it is so often true that behind every story there is a hidden smile shining through.

Some may call it emotional for saying how I feel, don't be so quick to judge when I'm just keeping it real. I'll keep my mind running and working out the knots till one day it all "makes sense"...but I almost hope not.

For if it all made sense I'm not sure I would know what to write and I wouldn't have that hidden smile through the day and through the night.

distorted reflection.

Will you ever see me the way I see you? 
I stay hidden behind that invisible wall I have put up and only come out after I have painted myself into the picture that I and others think I should be.

Wishing I could see myself through someone else eyes other than my own, Wishing I was good enough to call you mine and stare at your face from dusk to dawn. Eyes big and brown smiling in the mirror telling my thoughts that its "ok" and that I really don't stand alone. But do I? Is my reflection what others really see? Or are these thoughts just me over thinking? 


Someone will love you and your life will change someday soon is what they say. Do I believe them? Will I ever find the faith to believe? 


Uncomfortable in my own skin itching to set my soul free. If I could only jump into the pages of that Vogue magazine.


Keep standing tall, perfect skin, long slim legs to top it all, What happened to the rest of us, did we all break the mold? 


I'm sorry society I'm just not as perfect as you need me to be. Belittle me cause I wasn't born with the shape and face of a beauty queen. 


With my middle finger held up to any human who thinks they have the right to judge anybody else. I will keep my head high, I will stand tall I will not be a slave to your idiotic theories of who we should be at all.